To surrender or give up for the sake of something else is dictionary.com's definition of sacrifice. The word surrender is such a strong word and when I think of "surrender" I think of the wars that have been faught and suspects surrendering to the police. But as I think about the word and how it applies to Brandy it's more of a spiritual thing, and not something that I should have to do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I now sound conceited and only worried about ME, but we all know that is not ME, because I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, teacher and friend. I always put others before me and think about their feelings , so maybe concieted is not what I am. However as I evaluate Brandy as a mother and wife am I making sacrifices that are benefical to my family? And where do I draw the line for sacrifices? Is there a line?
I am not working full time this summer(I gave up any chance of a vacation this year) to spend time with KB before she is off to kindy in the fall. I am not working full time in the fall so that I can be an active parent at KB's school(any mother would do that if she could). To me that is a HUGE sacrifice and the end reward is totally worth it...I get that but on the other end I am struggling big time.
Well, my struggling sacrifice is square footage and downsizing! I really thought I could handle this move, but as we are now down to actually needing to move(KB starting school,having 1/2 the income,and just not being happy where we are) I am having the hardest time surrendering. Part of me says "Its fine move closer, its ok to be in a smaller living space with two kids". Then the OCD part of me says "OH MY! Do not pack up three years of your life and move into a smaller living space with two kids". Thankfully writing this out and talking to myself about it seems to be helping. In the end I know what is best for my family and God does have a plan.
Honestly and seriously why is this moving and giving up something so hard for me when I have so much to be thankful for already. My husband has a wonderful job that he enjoys and we are blessed beyond reason because of that. I have two healthy and beautiful daughters who are my world and would not trade them for anything. I have friends who are dealing with tougher things than I am right now and never once have I heard them complain. I see them take things in stride and keep moving with a smile on their face. This week I watched my hometown lose a police officer in the line of duty protecting a citizen. He paid the ultimate sacrifice and had to think of that everyday as he went to work, his family had to think of that. Yet, he went to work and did his job proudly.
So, why can't I give up a few hundred square feet to better my family? Seriously!