Life is about Sacrifice...and square footage!

To surrender or give up for the sake of something else is dictionary.com's definition of sacrifice. The word surrender is such a strong word and when I think of "surrender" I think of the wars that have been faught and suspects surrendering to the police. But as I think about the word and how it applies to Brandy it's more of a spiritual thing, and not something that I should have to do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I now sound conceited and only worried about ME, but we all know that is not ME, because I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, teacher and friend. I always put others before me and think about their feelings , so maybe concieted is not what I am. However as I evaluate Brandy as a mother and wife am I making sacrifices that are benefical to my family? And where do I draw the line for sacrifices? Is there a line?
I am not working full time this summer(I gave up any chance of a vacation this year) to spend time with KB before she is off to kindy in the fall. I am not working full time in the fall so that I can be an active parent at KB's school(any mother would do that if she could). To me that is a HUGE sacrifice and the end reward is totally worth it...I get that but on the other end I am struggling big time.
Well, my struggling sacrifice is square footage and downsizing! I really thought I could handle this move, but as we are now down to actually needing to move(KB starting school,having 1/2 the income,and just not being happy where we are) I am having the hardest time surrendering. Part of me says "Its fine move closer, its ok to be in a smaller living space with two kids". Then the OCD part of me says "OH MY! Do not pack up three years of your life and move into a smaller living space with two kids". Thankfully writing this out and talking to myself about it seems to be helping. In the end I know what is best for my family and God does have a plan.

Honestly and seriously why is this moving and giving up something so hard for me when I have so much to be thankful for already. My husband has a wonderful job that he enjoys and we are blessed beyond reason because of that. I have two healthy and beautiful daughters who are my world and would not trade them for anything. I have friends who are dealing with tougher things than I am right now and never once have I heard them complain. I see them take things in stride and keep moving with a smile on their face. This week I watched my hometown lose a police officer in the line of duty protecting a citizen. He paid the ultimate sacrifice and had to think of that everyday as he went to work, his family had to think of that. Yet, he went to work and did his job proudly.
So, why can't I give up a few hundred square feet to better my family? Seriously!

On the Road Again

We have lived in Hendersonville for almost three years now and the time has come for us to move. Change is good for some, but for me it has always been a STRUGGLE. I like a sense of stability especially now that I am a mother. This is where Jamal and I are different and over the past seven years we have been together I know that it is OK for us to be different. But, it is so hard for me to let go of things I have grown a custom to(having everything in a 10mi radius of our house). God has a plan for this family and He wants us to embrace it.

Jamal is the "music minister" at our church, Clarksville Hwy Church of Christ in Joelton. And sadly to say for the first time we are not as active in church as we have been in the past and this is not like us at all. No matter where we worship we have always been involved be it with the young kids, teenagers, or young adults. Now that we are parents it is important that we show our girls what it means to be a servant for God and we have not done a good job of it. Now is the time to start! The girls are old enough to understand the days of the week we should be in worship as well as teaching others about the love of God. I do not want to miss this mark as a parent, but most importantly as a christian and as a child of God.

So, here we go again, on the move! We are tentatively moving to the Joelton/Pleasant View area; however, I would like somewhere in between USN(KB will start Kindy in the fall),church, and I do still love my job at Bluegrass Baptist WEE in Hendersonville. There are many pros and cons to this move, but in the back of my mind I want to stay right where we are in Hendersonville. Close to pretty much everything.....

Friends, please pray for our family that we are doing what is best for all four of us and that it is right in the eyes of the Lord!

Love and Marriage

What does it mean when we say those magic three words... I love you? We all cannot wait to hear them come from someone we are madly in love with. I have asked myself this question over and over again, but still is there a right and wrong answer? Then, there comes marriage, and then the baby carriage(we all know the song). But how do we miss the marks in between.

The past three weeks I have had lots of time to talk with my parents about love and marriage and to be honest; I am more confused than ever. My momma and daddy married 43 years ago, momma only 16 and daddy 20. That is fairly young, but for that day in time it was "ok" or you could say acceptable. Being a wife as a teenager is going to have its challenges; but what about love and the vows. As a young man trying to provide for his family with little or nothing you are going to have many obstacles; but what about love and the vows.
When all that baggage builds up one has had all they could possibly take, and what happens after a forced separation? Again, love and the marriage vow when does that come in the picture?
So far, I have learned that its important to keep your vow no matter what and stay in the marriage. And, then to love the person you are with because in reality you truly do love them.
Also, the things we say and think are different, and how they come out of your mind and mouth are different as well. Well is it different in our hearts and the way we feel? What??????? I am totally confused! (that's me screaming it)

I have not been able to talk about this huge ordeal because it makes me literally want to throw up(we all know I don't like throw up), but this past month has been extremely hard for me to cope with. As of today my parents have been separated for 3 weeks by order of a judge; and to me it feels like a lifetime. Daddy has signed a lease for an apartment and momma is all alone at home. They are both miserable because after 43 years together, what is life like without the other. I just burst into tears every time I mention this, but I have to get it out. Momma and Daddy both have serious health conditions and this situation has taken its toll on both. I am now worried that I will loose them forever, and I am NOT ready for that. As I told both of them today "I am still the baby and I NEED both momma and daddy!" (daddy says "you will always be my baby" and "momma says everyone has to grow up, but yes you are the baby").

On Thursday the 9Th everything will change for the BEST or the WORST and I beg of you to pray for the best for all of us. My girls are asking questions and know something different is happening. I do not want to tell them, but I don't want to "lie" to them either. Please pray that I can be strong for my family and parents.

My Battle

OK! here we go...As you all know I have been coping with OCD for a long time now. Over the past few months I have been working on my obsessions and trying to eliminate them one at a time. Obsessions like making lists, checking the door locks, germs, and perfection. I have good days and bad days but I keep working toward my goal of not having these obsessions.
With that said this is my first attempt at blogging(trying something out of my comfort zone)to give me something to do other than obsess. I am hoping that writing will help relieve some of my stresses, woes and fears.....